December

When i wake up in the morning, i open the window in my chamber. The sky is cloudy. Drizzle comes to fall. The sound of it is a peace. The air is so fresh. I close my eyes for a while, take a deep breathe. This is a new day that i want to start with smile and pray.
It's December ...

My mind goes back to the time when i met you. It was a hard rain with tunders dancing in the sky. I got scared. You were smiling to me gently and said that everything's gonna be fine. You took my hand, held it tightly and made me felt save. The days when this feeling started to grow. The days when i have your smile in my every breathe. The days when i gave you sunshine to grow, to see, to make it as yours.
"It's December ..."

This is the place where I spend most of my time sharing and have fun with those wonderful people. This time we have no worry, no duty. We are free. We can get so much happiness these days. Joking, playing, watching, singing, laughing all the day. Noone will break our day. In this place, where we have a lot of memory to be remembered about this time being.
It's December ...

The day is getting dark. It is so silent when the other side of this world has a huge party. I just stay here under the bright sky, looking at the stars. This time, I'm alone. Noone is around me. Only the stars. I have lost your smile. But it's alright. At least you still keep my sunshine. It's enough to make me feel precious. Though a part of my heart has gone, I try to make it okay. This night, when i finally can say i can let you go, it's the end of this day and I'm going to face a new day. I'm gonna be okay. I pray to God to keep the sunshine in you, so you won't get cold or lost. I pray to God to keep me in the right way to find my own sunshine that I will keep forever.

It's a beautiful and meaningful times in the end of the year.

It's December...

Please Make It Only As My Nightmare

I had a dream. At least I really wish that was only dream. You stood over there, was looking at me scarily and was smiling like an evil smile. I stood over here, only looked at you and was knowing nothing. There was my family around me. My parents, brother and sister. My brother stood on my right side. He held my arm without looked at me. He was looking at you. At his right side was my mother. My sister stood in my left side. As usual, she smiled to me since we only had a few times to meet. At her left side was my father. I was wondering what happened. My brother's face looked so serious. And after i looked right into you, you were already right in front of my nose. You were smiling. But i was frightened to see your smile. Suddenly there was a storm. You got me and my family into it while you flied above the storm. I closed my eyes and screamed ...

It took so long when i opened my eyes and realized that the storm was over. I saw my family. They were fine. But my mother was angry of having her children suffered by the storm that you had made. My brother still held on my arm tightly. His face looked so mad but he tried to keep it. And I felt so lucky to see my father seemed to know nothing about the storm. And my sister, she got into tears. She yelled of me to know you. I was crying. This was the first time i saw her tears. And it ran down her face because of me. I who had been knowing you. I sreamed and cried ...

I really hate that case. I really wish that it was only my nightmare. But you don't ...

I've let things going how they suppose to be by skipping that case. Though it's not easy at all, i made it. But it seems that you throw away all of my efforts to erase that incident of my memory. You can't let things going fun. Actually i can do that. But you don't! That makes me cannot do that either!

Please...
I wanna make it gone. Don't show the flashback with your eyes. I don't wanna see that. Please...
That would be better for us all. Just say that the storm does never happen. And get your eyes do the same!

Dear You :)

Kini aku akan tersenyum saat mengingatmu. Entah apa yg ada di fikiranmu tentang aku. Yang jelas setiap bayangan wajahmu melintas di benakku, yg terfikir olehku adalah cahaya kebaikan yg menenangkan. Itu hal terindah yg selama ini ingin ku lihat dari makhluk sepertimu. Dan kau lah orang pertama yg berhasil menunjukkan itu padaku dan membuatku tak berani berkedip sedikitpun karena takut cahaya itu menghilang dari pandanganku. Kali ini kau yg menang. Awalnya aku tak bisa melepaskanmu. Hatiku berteriak sejadi-jadinya saat kenyataan itu menghampiriku. Cahaya itu, cahaya yg ku hidupkan dengan kedua tanganku, pada akhirnya harus ku lepaskan. Aku tidak akan menyalahkan diriku karena saat itu aku tidak bisa membiarkanmu pergi. Inilah aku. Aku yg terlalu takut dengan kegelapan. Dan satu cahaya terang yg selama ini bersinar untukku kini harus ku lepaskan. Air mataku mungkin tidak mengalir deras. Tapi hatiku lebih dari sekedar merasa ketakutan dan sedih karena itu. Lebih baik aku yg pergi dengan berat hati dari pada aku harus ditinggalkan sendiri. Tapi kini aku juga tidak akan berdiam diri tanpa kata sedikitpun untukmu.

Maaf ...
Aku sudah menggenggam cahayamu terlalu erat hingga ia tak dapat bersinar. Tapi tolong jangan salahkan aku atas itu. Kalau tidak aku akan menangis di hadapanmu.

Maaf ...
Aku terlalu angkuh untuk menyangkali bahwa cahaya itu adalah cahaya yg ku hidupkan dengan kedua tanganku. Aku tidak mampu memberi terang di jiwaku sendiri. Maka aku menghidupkan cahaya itu di jiwamu untuk menerangi jiwaku. Dan jika kini kau harus membawa jiwamu cahaya itu jauh dariku, maka lakukanlah. Hatiku sudah tidak apa-apa. Ia sudah bisa tersenyum hanya dengan melihatmu dari jauh, seperti gadis kecil yg tersenyum melihat bintang malam yg bersinar jauh di langit. Dan jiwaku, ia sudah bisa kembali dengan cahaya-cahaya kecil yg kadang redup itu. Ia takkan lagi memohon padaku untuk terus menggenggam tanganmu. Lakukanlah apa yg harus kau lakukan. Dengan cahaya dari jiwaku, terangilah jiwa lain di seluruh dunia. Kini kau akan bisa melakukan itu. Aku tak akan lagi berharap kau akan melakukan berbagai hal untukku seperti yg kau lakukan dulu. Hanya satu yg aku harap akan selalu kau lakukan hingga ujung usiamu. Jagalah cahaya itu agar tetap terang. Meskipun pasti datang saatnya dia meredup, jangan biarkan cahaya itu mati. Karena tak akan ada lagi jiwaku yg membuatnya terang kembali, kau harus membuat jiwamu bisa melakukannya sendiri. Dengan seluruh jiwa dan ragaku, dari setiap hal yg Tuhan ciptakan untuk makhluk-Nya, hanya itu hal yg paling ku minta darimu.

Kau...
Bintang terang yg jauh di sana, tetaplah bersinar dan tersenyum untuk dunia. Meski aku hanya bisa melihat senyuman itu dari dalam hatiku, pastikanlah itu benar-benar yg kau lakukan ...

Akhirnya keberanian pun datang untukku menyanyikan lagu itu ...